Holy Kids, Batman!

At a recent staff meeting everyone had to say what superpower they’d like to have.  I said that I’d like the power to stop time so I could get everything done.  Then, I kept coming up with other answers.  I didn’t get to share these answers in the meeting because, by that point, we were supposed to be in serious professional mode and not still daydreaming about super powers.  Not too long after that meeting, a blogging friend of mine, Clay from the awesome EduClaytion if you’re curious, asked about super powers on Facebook. That sealed it – my list of superpowers had to go from daydream to blog post.  First though, I eliminated the obvious.  Of course I’d want the power to control the weather and send a huge rain storm over the state of Arizona.  Of course I’d want the super power of diplomacy so there’d be peace on Earth.  Those powers are not part of my list.  Neither is the super power of unlimited power – that’s like asking the Genie for more wishes.  (And we all know that doesn’t work.) To keep myself focused (as you can tell from this intro, I’ve been having difficulty staying focused), I decided to make my super-power list a list of parental super powers. 

Because every parent knows that we’re no match for those little people.  We need help – super help:

  • Super heroes (and parents) need to cram a day’s worth of world-saving into little pockets of time.  So, I’d like the power to spring out of bed freshly showered, legs shaved, clothed, hair done, and make-up applied. Can you imagine the time saved?  Not to mention that this would eliminate those mornings when you pull into work, do a mirror check, and realize you only put make-up on one eye. 
  • If parents are superheroes (and we know they are), then their arch-enemy is, undoubtedly, laundry.  If you doubt me (and you really shouldn’t because I said undoubtedly) then just read this post from my friend Kelly.  Laundry is evil.  So a highly coveted parent-power would be the ability to look at an item of clothing and make it instantly clean and fresh-smelling.
  • Guilt is like kryptonite to a parent.  It steals our strength and replaces it with self-doubt, frustration, and insecurity.  So, I’d want the super power to erase parental guilt and replace it with perspective.
  • I’ve spent my fair share of time in urgent care centers and emergency rooms.  But, no more!  I’d want the super power to end an ear infection with a single glance, to stop pain, and heal wounds.  Super-heroes can definitely opt for the high-deductible plan.
  • The moments I most want to capture too often happen when I don’t have a camera on hand.  So, I’d like the power of camera eyes.  With a mere blink I could photograph and upload.  Of course, first I’d have to say something like “Camera Activate!”  (You can imagine the unfortunate consequences of unintentional blink photography.)
  • MY KIDS ARE SO LOUD! Like really, really loud.  I mean I don’t think other kids are possibly this loud.  I’d like the power to mute them.
  • I want the power to see through walls, so I could know which child really had the oh-so-coveted Barbie with one leg and the rat’s nest hair first.
  • No list of parental powers would be complete without the power to freeze.  Yes, I’d want to freeze my kids at certain ages and in certain moments to capture their joy, innocence, and littleness.  But I’d also like to freeze a cup in mid-spill.  I’d like to freeze the picture frame before it shatters to the ground. Sure freezing power could preserve childhood; but it could also greatly decrease my need for cleaning supplies.
  • No matter how hard I try, I can’t control everything in their world.  But if I were a super hero I’d have the power to soothe souls, banish nightmares, and erase memories that shouldn’t be part of their story.

 That list is actually an abbreviated list; I keep coming up with more but unless I ask for the super power to increase my number of blog readers, I don’t want to lose any of you by going on and on.  I apologize if I’ve already gone on and on.  Perhaps I need a list of blogging super powers …

It’s a bird … it’s a plane … it’s a mom with a laptop …

I raided David's closet to make this magic (bad photography?) happen. The mom is possibly a villain -- which kind of works too.


10 thoughts on “Holy Kids, Batman!

  1. As a Mom, don’t you already have super powers?

    – cure a boo-boo instantly with a kiss
    – transport kids instantly all over town to all of their activities (instantly from a kids perspective)
    – eyes in the back of your head
    – super Mother hearing that hears a baby crying or a teenager’s car pulling in from the deepest sleep

    I could probably go on.

    Your list is way cooler though. Blink Camera Eyes sounds like it should be possible someday with technology.

  2. I cannot believe you just posted this! I am working on a Super Power post, but it is not about parenting per se. I feel like I am always a little late to the party, dang it.

    Anyway, in honor of your parental post on super powers, I’d like the ability to transfer headaches to others. Monkey gets some mighty bad migraines, so it would be cool to just kind of ball one up like a baseball and throw it at the car of the annoying people who play their music waaay too loud and drive waaay too fast, you know as they zoom by. Know what I mean? Just saying.

  3. Brilliant! Hilarious too (super villain mom is so caring). Love the camera eyes. Freezing time? Yup. When I fly I use my MP3 player as a child muting device. Just for every once in a while when I get the screaming baby near me. Great post.

  4. Talk about great minds. I too was thinking about a super power post, mostly because my 4 year old is obsessed with them now. He’d love that Superman figure…

    And do not forget the laundry super power should not only clean, but fold/hang and put it where it belongs. I have heard this step is one we parents most often never get too, because all of our free time was spent doing the laundry. 🙂

    I cannot choose my favorite: the blink camera eyes, the laundry, the freezing of time. The mute button (can kids really be louder than mine?).

    Love this post my friend. Thank you for mentioning me.

  5. I would just like to say that I am not thinking about a superpower post. But after reading your post and comments, I’m thinking I should.

    I’m with you on the guilt. When I was a teen, I diagnosed my mom with the condition GMS. Guilty Mother Syndrome. I think I now have it. Apparently it doesn’t skip a generation.

    Great post.

  6. Camera eyes would be awesome. I think having each of the fingers on my right hand capable of dispensing a different beverage – apple juice, milk, water – would be handy because invariably they always need something to drink right after I sit down at the table. My left hand would be a beer tap.

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