Keith, I’m deleting your Facebook account. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Keith!  Today is my husband’s birthday. 

Well, for those of you wrapped around technicalities like birth certificates, yesterday was Keith’s birthday.  I had to do a reschedule.  Wives can do that. 

As Keith said on Facebook yesterday …wait a minute … let’s stop right there. 

“As Keith said yesterday on Facebook” are words I never thought I’d put together.  Keith doesn’t do Facebook.  In fact, his NOT doing Facebook is, quite frankly, the secret to our marital bliss.  Because I do Facebook.  And sometimes I name names and tell tales.  Sometimes (okay, lots of times) the name is Keith and the tale is designed for my awesome friends who think a good, you-won’t-believe-what-my-spouse-did/said/thought story is funny.  Sometimes (okay, lots of times) the tales are not designed for the eyes of my aforementioned spouse.

I went on Facebook yesterday to post that I’d rescheduled Keith’s birthday:

“How bad is it that I just told Keith that, due to my insane schedule today, his birthday will be tomorrow, August 12, this year instead of today, August 11? Dates on birth certificates surely leave some wiggle room right?”

I also, lovingly, posted this on the Keith’s profile that I’d set up for him over a year ago:

“Keith, all that’s on your Facebook page is hunting pictures. Maybe it’s time to spruce things up a bit now that you’re no longer in your EARLY thirties! Also, due to scheduling challenges your birthday will be on August 12 this year. Surprise!!!”

One of my sweeter friends responded with a nice:

“Lol!!!! I’ll go ahead and say, “Happy Birthday Keith!” today :)”

Then (and you can surely imagine my surprise, shock, horror) the following comment, from KEITH STEVENS (!), appeared:

“Thanks Lori. My mom thinks it my birthday today too.”

I yelled out to the back of the house, “Uh, Keith?  You okay in there?”  Surely someone had stolen his Blackberry and used it for social media purposes.  Keith replied, “I am.  I’m on Facebook.”  Yes, Keith, I know.

Comments started flying back and forth between me, friends, AND KEITH on Facebook.  At some point I called him demented.  Not sure where that fit in. 

Anyway, as he was leaving to go to work Keith said to me (in real life  … so old-fashioned), “”I think it’s interesting that in the five minutes that I’m on Facebook this year you manage to tell the world how old I am, reschedule my birthday publically because of your schedule, and call me demented. Nice.”

Has my run of Facebook freedom ended?  Have I ever been able to keep my comments (i.e. status updates) to myself before? Does a wife have a right to declare, “Today is not your birthday this year?”

Anyway, at some point in the day, Keith posted this comment in reply to a friend:

“Thanks! Amy is pretty awesome even though she just bumped my B-day to a new time spot. I didn’t fully realize the power of marriage until today!”

So, to wrap it all up (like a present on his birthday), Keith’s pretty amazing and I’m not just saying that because he called me awesome on Facebook.

He’s a man’s man. (I’ve never really known what that means but I think it has something to do with his ability to change oil, shoot with accuracy, and kill bugs.)

He’s a wonderful father. 

(For example, Molly is going through a phase where she insists on buckling herself into her car seat.  We’re not allowed to even back up the car until she’s done.  It can take a long time.  Car seats are tricky for little hands.  Just yesterday, while waiting for an extended period of time, Molly launched a protest because Keith backed the car out.  She sat for a moment, refusing to continue the buckling process, while berating Keith with a verbal tirade that only a three-year-old can manage, “Daddy, I not ready! It not safe! You moved!”  Keith, loving father, turned to me and said, “I think I’m going to have a freaking stroke.”   If this whole engineer thing doesn’t work out, Keith has a career waiting for him at Hallmark.)

In addition to being paternally poetic, Keith is also the tooth-brusher, pancake-maker and night-time cuddler.  He’s also the man who saved my girls’ lives on May 22 in Joplin.  He’s their hero.  (He’s my hero.) 

He’s an understanding, accepting husband. 

He’s a generous friend. 

So, Keith, I wanted to tell you happy birthday.  We’ve been through a lot this summer.  And if anyone deserves a great day – it’s you.  Regardless of the actual date of that day!

16 thoughts on “Keith, I’m deleting your Facebook account. I love you. Happy Birthday.

  1. Hilarious. I enjoyed this. My wife has never rescheduled my birthday, but to be honest I wouldn’t put it past her since she’s moved Thanksgiving and Christmas before.

  2. Thank you Amy for your very kind words. For the record though, I really was going to have a stroke. Not sure if that qualifies me for father-of-the-year … they probably have higher standards. I love my wife and kids. I’m a very blessed, very lucky man to have them.

  3. I hope Keith has a happy birthday, whatever day it is. I keep telling my hubby he needs to be on Facebook…he turned 60 recently. I don’t think it’s going to happen.

    1. My big selling point is just that it’s a wonderful way to keep track of friends who aren’t local. I’m able to keep in almost daily touch with people all over the world. Of course my selling points didn’t really work on my husband either!

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