Hookers and dental hygiene

As with so many other stories of inappropriateness, it started with a trip to the dentist.

We dropped Molly (3) off at preschool and then David (9), Emily (7), and I drove to their dentist appointment.  Emily’s teeth were cleaned and David took his turn in the chair.  Everything was going perfectly.  I decided to snap a couple of pictures and mentioned to the dental hygienist that I’m normally out in the waiting room watching over my three-year old. The rest of the conversation quickly took an unexpectedly horrible turn:

Emily: Mommy, who’s watching over Molly now? THE HOOKERS?

Me: (sending up a prayer for a quick clarification) Emily? What do you mean by the hookers?

Emily: (laughing) The black hookers.

Me:  …

Emily: (laughing more which resulted in a louder volume) You know! The black hookers we picked up in the car!!

Me: … I … Emily … what? (Please, please God don’t let her say black hookers again.)

Emily: The ropes with the hook!  I got in trouble for playing with them in the car and you told me to pick them up!

Me: OH!!! Bungee cords, Emily.  We call those bungee cords … (Someone in the office may have missed the definition of black hookers so I chose to repeat) … We don’t call those black hookers; we call them bungee cords.

At least everyone was busy recovering from our hooker conversation so they didn’t realize that Emily was asking if I’d tied Molly up with bungee cords.  This is somewhat similar to the time Emily screamed in the store, “No, don’t make me go in the cage again!” Unbeknownst to all the concerned people around us, she was referring to the shopping cart.

Important notes of clarification: I do not tie my children up with anything.  Emily was making a joke.  We are going to try to steer her away from stand-up and towards mime.

Have your children embarrassed you lately? Do they have any interesting names for common items?

28 thoughts on “Hookers and dental hygiene

  1. Your daughter is hilarious.

    I admit, I had no idea where she was going with the “black hookers”.

    That has to be the only thing I’ve ever found funny in a dentist’s office.

    It is normally a dark, evil place, with unholy sounds.

    My teeth hurt just thinking about it.

    But your daughter, might be capable of distracting me.

  2. Ah, sounds vaguely reminiscent of a recent comment my just-turned-4-year-old son blessed us with this week. He saw a kid carrying around a Toy Story figure in his pocket, and announced (at top volume, of course–do they have any other level when they are making questionable comments?) “He has a Woody in his pants!” I really need to remember these gems for when my grandkids come up and ask for stories of their parents as children.

  3. Such a hoot! If you can figure out how to get your child to mime without talking let me know. Mine would be jabbering and miming at the same time, totally defeating the purpose. 😉

  4. Ha! One time years ago my stepson Jake pointed to a large biker in front of us at the mall. The guy had leather on including a sleeveless vest with a big American flag on the back. Jakey recognized the flag and wanted to announce it, but he couldn’t say the word without missing the L, so it came out like a nasty slur. For my part I watched my kid point at a large man and call him a fag. That’s when I learned the difference between being embarrassed and being endangered by those lovable children.

  5. That made me laugh so much I had to forward it to all my friends. Fortunately, people that don’t have kids tend not to be able to understand them very well…. but I’m sure hearing the words ‘black hooker’ would make anyone start listening… theeenn, they probably wouldn’t be able to understand the rest of it so, yeah… it’s probably time to find a new dentist office… three towns over. 😉 Thanks for the great chuckle!

  6. Well I’ve made up my mind. My kids will lean that bungee cords are called “black hookers” just so that it’s as hilarious as this encounter.

  7. I am crying I am laughing so hard. I would agree with the comedy routine – she may need to increase her vocabulary and knowledge of “appropriate” versus “grounds to call CPS” before she starts cracking more jokes! Loved this!

  8. I was in tears, my now 6 year old daughter has been using the word ‘hooker’ when she means ‘a hook’ or ‘to connect something’ for about 2 years now. It’s too funny to get serious about correcting her. I should, but I do get such a laugh from those slip ups.

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