As with so many other stories of inappropriateness, it started with a trip to the dentist.
We dropped Molly (3) off at preschool and then David (9), Emily (7), and I drove to their dentist appointment. Emily’s teeth were cleaned and David took his turn in the chair. Everything was going perfectly. I decided to snap a couple of pictures and mentioned to the dental hygienist that I’m normally out in the waiting room watching over my three-year old. The rest of the conversation quickly took an unexpectedly horrible turn:
Emily: Mommy, who’s watching over Molly now? THE HOOKERS?
Me: (sending up a prayer for a quick clarification) Emily? What do you mean by the hookers?
Emily: (laughing) The black hookers.
Emily: (laughing more which resulted in a louder volume) You know! The black hookers we picked up in the car!!
Me: … I … Emily … what? (Please, please God don’t let her say black hookers again.)
Emily: The ropes with the hook! I got in trouble for playing with them in the car and you told me to pick them up!
Me: OH!!! Bungee cords, Emily. We call those bungee cords … (Someone in the office may have missed the definition of black hookers so I chose to repeat) … We don’t call those black hookers; we call them bungee cords.
At least everyone was busy recovering from our hooker conversation so they didn’t realize that Emily was asking if I’d tied Molly up with bungee cords. This is somewhat similar to the time Emily screamed in the store, “No, don’t make me go in the cage again!” Unbeknownst to all the concerned people around us, she was referring to the shopping cart.
Important notes of clarification: I do not tie my children up with anything. Emily was making a joke. We are going to try to steer her away from stand-up and towards mime.
Have your children embarrassed you lately? Do they have any interesting names for common items?